Taoism: s**t happens.
Bhuddism: the s**it that happens to us is good.
Hinduism: the s**t that happens to us has happened before.
Zen: what is the sound of s**t happening?
Catholic: the s**t that happens to you, you deserve.
Protestantism: the s**t that happens to you, why doesn't it happen to somebody else?
Jewish: why does this s**t always happens to me?
Agnostic: I'm not sure I believe in this s**t.
Atheist: I don't believe in any of this s**t.
Rastafarian: let's smoke this s**t.